Mexico Week 45 -- Hope and Confidence

To my favorite people in the whole world!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Can you believe it’s already 2015?! Can you also believe I’ve been a missionary for a year?  Time flies when you’re having fun!

The truth is ... I want to share a ton of things with you guys this week! 

This adorable girl is Megan’s age.  She is the bishop’s daughter and she is a doll!  She is literally the sweetest. We have lots of fun with her.

Also, all of my favorite fruits are out of season so I have switched to tomatoes with avocados and salt almost every night. I LOVE THE PRODUCE HERE! 

 The pictures of me with the magenta shirt and yellow sweater are the last official pictures of 2014!

Big thanks to Angie Smith for sending this adorable Christmas package!  Ben’s letter made me laugh and almost tear up a little bit. 

 Also, big thanks to Sister Carroll ...  A Christmas letter from her also showed up this week. 

Our less active young men went to church this week!  They live with their mom but she doesn’t want to have anything to do with the church. She has three boys and they are too funny. We were so happy to see them show up at church!

Okay I am going to tell y’all the coolest story ever. Tomorrow is Dia de Reyes, or when the wise men show up. They make huge cakes and the Nino Dios is inside.  Today at Walmart one of the workers wanted to pick my milk for me, and then tells me to cut myself some of the cake to see if it had the baby inside.  What do you know? I WON!! Ha! Ha!  They gave me free strawberry and chocolate milk. Classic. 

 Also, I had splits with Hermana Durnford this week!  She is a new sister training leader and she’s precious.  I had a great time with her!  She is so humble and I admire her a lot. I remember when she got here!  She got here one transfer after me and stayed in our house!  It is so cool to see these same missionaries again and see how much they’ve grown. 

Okay now for the people!  We are teaching a couple named Miguel and Jasmin.  They’re not married and they have a history of drug use, but they’re precious. They’ve been to church two consecutive weeks now! We had a lesson with them this week with a married couple that has recently come back to church.  The lesson was so special and wow, this gospel truly blesses families.  I feel so blessed to have grown up in the gospel. Their son Sammy, said the prayer, and he says “Please bless Hermana Rawe and … and ... the other Hermana.”  We were all cracking up and I just felt special that he knows and can pronounce my name.  He’s like four years old and is absolutely adorable. 

Another miracle this week was the Velazquez family.  We have been focusing on the grandparents and the kids because they show more interest.  The kids were precious this week!  They asked their moms for permission and were awake and ready EARLY Sunday morning.  Members picked them up and they LOVED church.  These two girls, Magali and Karen are adorable.  Hermano Jose took them home and they were telling their moms all about church and how they want to keep going.  We are hoping with their enthusiasm that we can inspire the rest of the house.  But I do love the kids!  The other three are Rubi’s kids that are friends with them.  They go to church, walking, every week by themselves.  The 12 year old gets them all ready and to church on time.  I am so amazed by the faith of some people! 

Hermano Jose just keeps progressing too! He received the Aaronic priesthood this week, visited people with the Elders, and fasted! We are so proud of him and for the incredible changes we have seen in their home. 

This week we really focused on service.  Washing dishes for pressured moms, jumping in and helping wherever we could and then sharing a message.  With one mom, who is an active member, we just listened to her as we ate.  We started asking questions and we find out her oldest son is second guessing a mission, has a girlfriend, and she has been praying and going to temple.  We talked about fasting and it truly was a special lesson.  I have made a big mistake in the mission.  I have just kind of assumed that the members are good to go, not perfect, but almost like they don’t really need the missionaries and regular reminders.  This week I learned so much about how to really love and serve even active members. Sometimes they too are really struggling with their faith.  It’s so important that we stay constant.  We hear the phrases: Daily scripture study; Daily prayer; Family Home Evening; and regular temple visits.  It’s because even active members can fall if we’re not constant.  BE FIRM AND CONSTANT ... even when sometimes we think we’re strong and don’t need it. 

I have been studying the Liahona from General Conference and just wanted to share some comments with y’all because I love our church and the chosen representatives of the Lord.  I LOVED the talk, “Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence¨.  As I read the self-evaluation questions at the beginning, I began to feel terrible! There were so many things I need to work on.  Elder Klebingat says, “Whenever the adversary cannot persuade imperfect yet striving Saints such as you to abandon your belief in a personal and loving God, he employs a vicious campaign to put as much distance as possible between you and God.  The adversary knows that faith in Christ—the kind of faith that produces a steady stream of tender mercies and even mighty miracles—goes hand in hand with a personal confidence that you are striving to choose the right. For that reason he will seek access to your heart to tell you lies—lies that Heavenly Father is disappointed in you, that the Atonement is beyond your reach, that there is no point in even trying, that everyone else is better than you, that you are unworthy, and a thousand variations of that same evil theme.  As long as you allow these voices to chisel away at your soul, you can’t approach the throne of God with real confidence.  Whatever you do, whatever you pray for, whatever hopes for a miracle you may have, there will always be just enough self-doubt chipping away at your faith—not only your faith in God but also your confidence in yourself. Living the gospel in this manner is no fun, nor is it very healthy.  Above all, it is completely unnecessary!  The decision to change is yours—and yours alone.”

He mentions six steps that were just awesome!  At the end he says, “Brothers and Sisters, my counsel to this sister missionary is my counsel to you: Acknowledge and face your weaknesses, but don’t be immobilized by them, because some of them will be your companions until you depart this earth life.  No matter what your current status, the very moment you voluntarily choose honest, joyful, daily repentance by striving to simply do and be your very best, the Savior’s Atonement envelops and follows you, as it were, wherever you go. Living in this manner, you can truly “always retain a remission of your sins” (Mosiah 4:12) every hour of every day, every second of every minute, and thus be fully clean and acceptable before God all the time.”

“Yours is the privilege, if you want it, to come to know for yourself, today or soon, that you are pleasing God in spite of your shortcomings.  I testify of a loving Savior who expects us to live the commandments.  I testify of a loving Savior who is so very anxious to bestow His grace and mercy.  I testify of a loving Savior who rejoices when we apply His Atonement daily with the calm and happy assurance that we are facing in the right direction.  I testify of a loving Savior who is anxious for your “confidence [to] wax strong in the presence of God” (D&C 121:45). In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

This talk touched my heart so much as I realized that our message and our way of life is happy, it’s hopeful, sometimes it’s hard, but we repent and move on.  We love the Lord and trust Him and allow Him to bless us. We have to let Him in and we have to let Him change us. 

I also loved Elder Uchtdorf’s talk for the women.  He says, “My dear sisters in the gospel, whether you are 8 or 108, there is one thing that I hope you truly understand and know:  You are loved.   You are dear to your heavenly parents.  The infinite and eternal Creator of light and life knows you! He is mindful of you.  Yes, God loves you this very day and always.  He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome your weaknesses and bad habits. He loves you today with a full understanding of your struggles. He is aware that you reach up to Him in heartfelt and hopeful prayer. He knows of the times you have held onto the fading light and believed—even in the midst of growing darkness. He knows of your sufferings. He knows of your remorse for the times you have fallen short or failed. And still He loves you.  And God knows of your successes; though they may seem small to you, He acknowledges and cherishes each one of them. He loves you for extending yourself to others. He loves you for reaching out and helping others bear their heavy burdens—even when you are struggling with your own.  He knows everything about you. He sees you clearly—He knows you as you really are. And He loves you—today and always!

Do you suppose it matters to our Heavenly Father whether your makeup, clothes, hair, and nails are perfect? Do you think your value to Him changes based on how many followers you have on Instagram or Pinterest? Do you think He wants you to worry or get depressed if some un-friend or un-follow you on Facebook or Twitter? Do you think outward attractiveness, your dress size, or popularity make the slightest difference in your worth to the One who created the universe?  He loves you not only for who you are this very day but also for the person of glory and light you have the potential and the desire to become.  More than you could ever imagine, He wants you to achieve your destiny—to return to your heavenly home in honor.   I testify that the way to accomplish this is to place selfish desires and unworthy ambitions on the altar of sacrifice and service. Sisters, trust in the saving power of Jesus Christ; keep His laws and commandments. In other words—live the gospel joyful.

It is my prayer that you will experience a renewed and an expanded measure of the beautiful love of God in your lives; that you will find the faith, determination, and commitment to learn God’s commandments, treasure them in your hearts, and live the gospel joyful.  I promise that as you do so, you will discover your best self—your real self.  You will discover what it truly means to be a daughter of the everlasting God, the Lord of all righteousness.  Of this I testify and leave you my blessing as an Apostle of the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

This is what I’m learning here as a missionary.  This is what I want everyone to know and feel.  This love has motivated and moved me to change.  It has helped me to love myself more.  It has helped me to come to know and understand my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ more.  I love this gospel and I just want us to be happy.  I want us to joyfully live the gospel so that we can return with him as a family.  I know that I am a total nerd, but I am so ready to have my own family!!  The mission just gives me mommy fever!  Ha! Ha!  I am so excited for my life ahead of me.  I am excited to be a missionary six more months, I am excited to serve in many church callings, I am excited to study and work, I am excited to be a wife and mom, and grandma, and whatever else the Lord sends me. Be happy! 

I love you all too much! 

Mexico Week 42: Feeling Loved

 Today I took Hermana Gonzalez to Cuarto de Kilo because we were starving!! Ha! Ha!  We have plans to take the challenge to eat two and get our pictures on the wall before the end of her training!

Hermana Gonzalez is in the 12-week training program and we have to study on Sundays too.  So after church we hiked it to the primary room and studied in the kid chairs!  #kidsforlife 

On Monday, I said goodbye to Hermana Malacara.  I ran into Hermana Daniel in the bus station! Good times!

I FOUND SANTA!!  Pretty sure he’s the same one from when I was a kid.  I still love him and he reminds me of home!! 

Mom, remember the young women’s songs that you gave me in Spanish? Well I am officially a nerd and with Hermana Malacara sat down and listened with a pen and wrote our all of the words so that I could learn the songs. I LOVED IT! I don’t know all of them yet, but I’m working on them!  I will be singing young women’s songs in Spanish after the mission in the car.

This week Elder Russel M. Nelson and Elder Donald Hallstrom visited our mission! We had a mission conference with our mission and the Mexico Guadalajara Mission. It was AWESOME!!

Before I get to the good stuff, I loved seeing all of the missionaries. I saw Hermana Valdez and wow, so many memories came to my mind and I think we were all a little sensitive and I got a little teared up hugging her. She says ¨Hey your family doesn’t write me anymore. Do they not love me or what??!!¨ I love her tons, send her some love!

I saw Hermana Buttars with her daughter that she’s training.  We shared a few more tears!  My two daughters were talking and Hermana Buttars gets a little teared up and says to Hermana Gonzales, ¨She’s really the best you can get as a mission mom¨.  I saw Hermana Daniel, Hermana Mansfield, and Hermana Taylor and then thought about so many MTC memories. I realized how flippin beautiful my mission has been. I have been so blessed. My experiences mean the world to me and I love how much I’ve grown and how many special people I’ve come to know. Life is good. 

I absolutely loved Elder Hallstrom’s talk. He talked about how special our missions are. He warned us against losing this sacred time. He talked about how in our missions we lay a spiritual foundation for our whole lives. He was pleading with us to come to know the Savior, to love Him, and to be firm in our testimonies now so that we would be prepared for whatever trials come our way in the future. I felt so much love for the Savior. I remember how strong my desire was\is to serve a mission. I felt a very strong need to strengthen my faith and to come to know the Savior better. I want Him to be a bigger part of me. 

Elder Nelson is absolutely precious and can you believe he’s 90 years old? He said something that impacted me so strongly. He said, “I know we don’t talk about marriage with you, even less with you, but assuming one day you’ll get to that point, sisters.  The day your prince charming gets down on his knees and asks you to marry him, you’re going to say NOOOO, unless it’s someone that loves the Lord more than He will ever love you¨.  I realized just how important that was to me. He invited us to think about our mission presidents and their wives. I admire President and Sister Camarillo so much. They are truly a team and they are a team that is committed to the Lord. I thought about my parents. I really do want someone obedient that loves the Lord a whole bunch. I hope I find a good one! 

I just a felt a change the day of the conference. I felt the spirit so strongly and a strong love for the Lord, a strong desire to serve Him and to come to know Him more, to more completely depend on Him. I just want to rock what I have left of my mission and just give it everything I’ve got! The time is going by so fast! 

So as we were walking to church yesterday, we saw a little pitbull puppy, probably 5 or 6 months old and super skinny. She started following us and followed us all the way to church.  She kept entering the chapel and didn’t want to leave! We had to take her out about 10 times and all of the kids were loving it. I think she just felt the love there! Ha! Ha! It broke my heart and I was dying to take her home, but well, that’s not allowed. It’s a good thing I don’t live here because I think I would have a house filled with dogs from the street. 

I am loving my new companion Hermana Gonzalez.  Even though she has only been here a week, she is an incredible missionary!  I think she’s teaching me more than I am teaching her! I just hope I’m putting a good example and teaching her well. About three people have told her, ¨Enjoy your companion, learn everything you can from her because she’s great!  Learn from her and just take advantage from this time¨.  That totally surprised me!  Kind of made me a little nervous too .. I hope I can live up to her expectations.  I struggle sometimes and am just a little hard on myself.  It just felt good to see that people, members and nonmembers, see me as a good missionary. We are going to keep working our tails off! 

Love you all tons! Hey in about a week and a half we’ll be Skyping!

Mexico Week 7 -- Singing, Singing, All the Day

Dear Family!  This week literally flew by!  

First things first, 6 new sister missionaries arrived last Monday and they all stayed in our apartment!  Whew!  5 of them were from the Provo MTC ... my lovely Americans that didn’t speak any Spanish!  I absolutely loved it.  I remember my first night here and I was terrified.  It was really neat to be there for them, to talk to them in English, to help them feel better.  Hermana Valdez and I divided for about 20 minutes before we had to be home to give them a little feel for talking to people in the street.  Guess what ... I could do it!  I had three new Hermanas with me and we rocked it!  And guess what ... I was understanding people!  I realized that if I’m called to train in 6 weeks, I could do it.  I just love it and keep feeling more and more confident!

Sidenote .. I love it when the Spanish speaking missionaries speak English.  They’re learning too and I realize that even if I sound a little funny, people know what I’m saying!  But really, it’s the cutest thing.  Most of them only know certain phrases and they’ll randomly throw them in there!

Dad, I forgot to tell you last week when we were planning his baptism, we asked Juan Carlos who he wanted to baptize him.  He said, “tu papa” .. it was so sweet!  I told him my Dad would love to baptize him if he was here, but since that isn’t possible, we would have to go with his second choice.  I thought you would appreciate that!

Funny story of the week, this morning Hermana Valdez asked me if I remembered talking to her last night.  I told her uhhhhh no.  Then I immediately got super worried for what I said.  She starts cracking up and tells me that in the middle of the night, I sat up and said ¨Quiero ayudar a todos!¨ and afterward laid back down. But literally I was speaking Spanish in my sleep in the middle of the night and apparently I want to help everyone! HAHA!

We visited another Hermana in the ward this week and her son, Dante, is the cutest! He’s seriously hilarious. He was singing and playing with us today!  He kissed us both on the cheek before we left.

Also, I loved General Conference, even in Spanish!  Actually I really missed their voices.  I never realized just how much I loved the apostles and our prophet Thomas S. Monson.  I feel the Spirit so strongly just when I hear their voices.  David A. Bednar’s talk was a life changer.   Seriously, he is the man.  I love how much we can truly learn about the Atonement.  I also loved Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s talk. We have so much to be grateful for and this life is all about learning to dance in the rain!  I know that we can see the Lord´s hand in our lives every single day if we´re looking for it.  Also, Hermana Maria Dolores came to conference!  She’s 70 years old and came all on her own!

Remember Mom, like a week ago, when I said that everyone, especially the youth, should be studying Preach My Gospel!  And what did M. Russell Ballard say -- Everyone should be studying it!  I loved it. Y’all are going to learn so much!

I also just loved the focus on love and following the Savior’s example.  That’s what this whole life is about.  I love how many people said that this life is just a short moment.  It really hit me when they said that we will have an eternity to think about the decisions we made here.  This life is so short, don’t waste it!  It’s not worth it!  No sin is worth it.  We have to strive for that eternal perspective and literally prepare to meet God.  I just love it.  Let’s love people and be respectful and give them everything we have!

General Conference was great, but the highlight of my week was definitely singing with Hermana Ester.  She is the wife of Hermano Antonio.  She had a stroke about a year and a half ago and she can’t move anything.  She can’t talk, she can’t eat, and she’s been in bed for a year and a half.  She is so tiny, but she’s completely there mentally.  She can answer yes or no questions with her big toe. Her nurse told us all about her and it really touched my heart how much this lady loves Hermana Ester.  She told us that Antonio is pretty angry and doesn’t understand any of it.  She also told us that he never cries, not even when his son died.  He just gets a super determined, gruff face.  It’s crazy, he always acts so lighthearted with us, but it just shows that people have pain that we never know. We sang ¨How Great Thou Art¨ with her the first day and we couldn’t even finish the song because we were crying.  The Spirit was so strong. Heaven Father’s love is perfect.  Even when it feels like He’s forgotten us, He never has.  My goal in life is just to never be angry with my Heavenly Father. I don’t want to.  I just want to trust Him and willingly submit to all things.

We went singing with Hermana Ester another day.  I held her hand while we sang, and again, just the strongest Spirit came into the room.  Hermana Valdez and I sang so strongly!  I’m telling you, we’ve never sounded like that before.  It was really special for me and we both shared our testimonies of Christ after.  It was an experience in which I felt like I truly stood proxy for Christ.  I did what He would have done.  I just want so badly to help Antonio to strengthen His faith.  As we were kissing Ester goodbye and stroking her hair, we saw tears in her eyes.  I think she really does understand and feel the Spirit.  I just think of the day when they’ll be able to talk and catch up.  I just love them with my whole heart!

On Sunday, we went singing again, but this time the Contreras family came with us.  We were all a blubbering mess.  Hermana Ester understands, she really does.  After each song we bore testimony and asked her questions.  She knows she’s a special daughter of God and she wants her family forever.  I went to talk to her once and the words just spilled out.  They weren’t my words.  I told her that Heavenly Father knows that she worries about Antonio and the rest of her family.  He knows that she worries about what her condition is doing to them.  I promised her so strongly that we were going to Antonio, to teach him, and to help him to understand.  Both of them are so special!  I don’t think Ester ever thinks of herself, just her family.  All of her pain is related to her family.  Her nurse, Claudia, told her that things have been different, the beginning of a change in their home, since we started singing.  She’s starting to see a change in both of them.  I know that these people are so special and so prepared.

Heavenly Father truly does love each of his kids. He knows them, and everything in this life is for our benefit, we just have to choose how to respond.  If you have the truth, hold on to it as tight as you can!

Love you all!

General Women's Meeting -- IN SPANISH!!

My face .. getting ready to watch the Women's Conference .. IN SPANISH! 

Saturday night we had the opportunity to watch the General Women’s Conference!  Let me tell you, I LOVE that all of the women are together now. Absolutely love it!  The Spirit is great because I understood a ton!  All in Spanish!  For those of you that watched, did you see the Mormon version of Up?  Oh my goodness, I was bawling like a baby!  It was the video that started with kids and ended with the grandparents? 

Here's a link to the video:
http://youtu.be/1xADQGfGgvA

I felt so strongly that my Heavenly Father has an incredible plan for my life.  He has blessed me with incredible experiences growing up. He’s given me the opportunity to serve a mission in this beautiful country, with the most incredible people.  Hopefully, I get to be a wife and mom, a teacher for the rest of my life! Heavenly Father trusts me to teach because I teach with love.  The mom in the video was in scrubs and taking care of kids and I almost died.  That’s going to be me!  This is my time to prepare.  This is my time with the Savior to solidify our relationship so that we can be partners for the rest of His plans for my life.  

I couldn't help but think about my mom during the conference .. Just so you know, I think you are awesome!  Seriously, the more I meet people here, the more I come to know the details of their lives, I thank Heavenly Father for our family.  We're are so incredibly blessed.  You and dad did that. You had goals, you stuck to your guns, and you formed an environment where we could grow spiritually and physically. 

Thank you so much for your example.  Thank you for teaching me to be bold, to be convicted.  Thank you for always being one of my best friends. Thank you for teaching me how to love other people and giving me an example of how to be a good mom.  There are so many broken families here.  So many people not married in the temple.  I love you SO MUCH. I hope you never forget it and that I can be someone that you're proud of! Love you more than you know! 

Being women is so great!  I hope that all of the women that read this realize just how important their role is.  We need to lead our families in righteous, to do the hard things like Eve did because we’re pretty dang tough.  Your calling as a woman is great!  Love it!  Fulfill it!  No regrets!